I am in my bedroom. It’s Sunday night, and I’m trying to fix my poster on the wall. I have a chair and plenty of Blu-Tack. Dabs of Blu-Tack. A big disc on each corner and then more along the top edge. The poster is vast and covers the whole wall. It’s awkward, and I’m struggling to hold it and fix it to the wall. I’m determined to do it on my own. Like the boy in the poster, I’m stubbornly independent and innocent. Yet I am doing this on my own. Mum asks if I need help; I say I don’t, I’m ok, I can do it on my own. “Well, just be careful”, she says.
I’m stretching to reach the top corner, putting pressure on the Blu-Tack to ensure it sticks. Unwind the poster, stick, unwind, stick. Try and move the chair. It’s bloody awkward. Two people would be easier. I’m going to do this on my own. More than halfway across. The red lettering, the enormous face. The top corner falls. I stretch to put it back again, but I can’t reach and pull what I’ve done straight down. The paper folds over. A dent in it. Bugger, arse, shit. It will be ok; no one will look at it.
The left corner is now up—pressure on all the Blu-Tack along the top edge. I’m stopping, stepping back and admiring my work. It’s big this poster. Can I live with that boy’s face staring at me? It’s not really staring at me. It’s black and white textured background. My U2 calendar and poster are on the wall. I am taking a photo; one day, I’ll be able to look back at this and see what I was like when I was 12 or 13. I am happy my poster is on the wall. It’s important. It’s mine, my space, my choice, my decision – I don’t care if it’s not for other people if they don’t like it – this poster is for me because I want it, and I want to make this space, make this room mine.
In case you’re wondering…
This is one of several pieces of writing and drawing I’m putting together in a booklet. There’s another, The Kiss, you can find on Instagram. While I’ve designed and created books and catalogues for clients, making something like this (a zine?) for myself is new. And I’ve been trying to do it without using the design software I’d typically use. I’m pushing my ideas of my practice and how it operates. It’s good (and challenging) trying something new.